I've only written about her here and there in a few posts since she passed...but it's been a little over 9 months now, and in September it will be one year exactly.
If you're new to this blog, I'm talking about my dog. Sadie.
Everything is still really different. But let's be real, at the same time, it's been really difficult for me. I still wake up and expect her to be there, waiting to go outside. When I come in from outside I still flinch because the door might hit the dog bowl..but there isn't one there.I think about her everyday, and what we'd be doing together if she were still here.
When she was gone the first couple of weeks I had to stop putting the cereal bowl on the floor for her to lick. Being at work helped a lot, and my co-workers will probably never know just how much they've helped me (like when I feel all of the sadness at once and I go into work and someone will say how my smile makes their day.) Maybe I'll tell them someday. Maybe they'll read this post. Maybe not. Sadie always knew when I was upset, and would come into my room, I never had to tell her that I felt sad or that I wanted a doggy hug.
I've never lost anyone this close to me before. So I'm not even sure if it's normal to still have sad days. I have dreams yet, not very often but sometimes and she's there. Recently, I had one that she came back and we only had a full 24 hours to be together, and we went to all of our favorite spots. I got her vanilla ice cream in a pup sized cup, we sat outside together and drove to a new park. My new friends got to meet her, though she already knew who they were. I stopped at my coffee shop and got her whipped cream in a little cup and we spent the night with lots of cuddles. She could also talk, I mean it was a dream after all. Then she was gone again, back into the silver heart necklace with pink paw prints on it, that I wear every day still. I woke up in tears because I had to wake up and she had to go back.
I don't like to relive how she passed, and I don't like when it's brought up. Saying she's gone is one thing but reliving the details of it, is awful.I could tell you about the first Spring Storm that rolled in while I was at University and I wondered if she could hear it up in heaven and if she was scared.
I miss her. I really do. But seeing that she's better and healthier in my dreams does give some kind of comfort I guess. I just wish I could walk with her again and drive with her again. She was my best friend, and sometimes I feel really a lone without her. I write emails to her that she'll never read but that helps too. ,Even though dogs can't understand you, they'll never tell your secrets to anyone.
I posted a sappy post on her birthday over on my instagram, here it is if you're looking.
(Sorry this is kind of deep, writing about her makes me feel a bit better.)
Basically just wanted an excuse to write about her again. Bring her back to the blogs every now and then.
Back to other posts soon! I hope you're all having a great summer! I'm feeling a giant baking binge coming on soon! :)
Have you ever lost someone or a pet before? Any Advice?
Have you done anything fun this summer so far? Any big plans?
Have you tried any new desserts? I recently found some vanilla salted caramel ice cream and chocolate raspberry ice cream...I'm cutting back on sugar. It's torture not to eat the whole bin.
xxxx
